lewis

May 6, 2016

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5 Signs You’re a Relationship Hoarder

    I’m sure we’ve all seen an episode of Hoarding on the TLC cable channel. And we remember the disgusting, stomach twisting sights, horrendous unbelievable sights some people choose to live their daily live in.

    Our minds ponder about what could be psychologically wrong with these people who choose to live in such a dysfunctional way.

    I have done some research from my personal experience, and being a relationship coach, and advising others, and I’ve discovered a new type of hoarding disorder.

    Relationship hoarding is ever so common in today’s dating world. Often-times people are completely oblivious that they suffer from relationship hoarding disorder and go on about their daily lives.

    Here are my top five signs that you, or someone you know, could possibly be a relationship hoarder.

     

    1. Living with bitterness or unforigiveness towards an ex-lover

    Unforgiveness can be defined like this “You drinking poison and expect the offender to die.” Unforgiveness holds you captive to what happened to you and allows the offender to have power over you.

    If he/she lied, cheat, stole, abused you or walked out on you, forgive him/her anyway. If you choose not to, you will take out your hurt and anger on your new partner, trying to make him/her pay for your ex’s mistake.

    Hoarding unforgiveness will never free you to the bliss of having a healthy relationship with someone you love and the relationship God wants you to have. Do yourself a favor and forgive. Love is waiting on you.

     

    1. Living with mementoes from your previous relationships

    I’m appalled how many people still hold onto mementoes of previous relationships. Keeping these mementoes serve as a reminder to you of the relationship. They may also be a symbol of hope that you will get back together and rekindle your romantic relationship.

    These mementos can include old love letters, emails, videos, any of sort gifts, and pictures. These objects maintain a connection to these people for as long as you are willing to hold onto them.

    Whether you know it or not, you can never truly commit to a future healthy relationship because a part of you is still wrapped up in your past with someone you’re no longer even with.

    Set yourself free from your past and let go of those old attachments. I suggest you have a private party, get all these things together and either burn them or throw them in the trash where they belong.

     

    1. Holding on to toxic words someone has spoken about you

    Words have the power to crush and poison our spirit. When someone you love and care about speaks ill about you it can have an everlasting effect if it’s not dealt with.

    This is why the Bible warns us to guard our hearts. It doesn’t matter who criticizes, belittles, judges, or insults you. Do not let your time be consumed with brooding about the opinion of others. Their opinion about you is none of your business.

    You are to be confident in what God has create you to be. Look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth. You are powerful, wonderful, beautiful, lovable, confident and worth it. You are somebody special, and unique. It doesn’t matter what man says about you, but what God says about you. You might be worthless in the eyes of some men, but Christ thinks you are to die for.

     

    1. Constantly finding/staying in dysfunctional

    Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the same type of person or relationship in your life? You constantly find yourself in the same types of dysfunctional relationship. You know the relationship is no good, and lacks fulfillment, true love, peace, joy, and yet you continue to stay in it.

    Dysfunctional relationship “function” well for you. The thought of being involved in a healthy relationship scares you. You’re accustomed to the chaos, fights, abuses and pain to the point it’s what you consider normal.

     

    1. Preventing, hindering, or finding it difficult to start new, healthy relationships with others

    Let’s be honest, you don’t trust anybody, have very little to no friends and/ or wherever you go drama always follows. Life, friends, and family have taught you to trust no one because people will fail you!

    You’ve taken the secret vow that from now on you will be your own best friend. Let me make myself clear. There’s nothing wrong with requiring people to earn your trust first, but remember people are human and will make mistakes.

    When in a relationship/friendship with any human being, there’s a chance of getting hurt. It’s not a valid reason to be isolated and be alone.

    God has designed us for relationships. We need each other. Ask God to give you discernment about others’ intentions, and pray for divine healthy connections.

    The first step towards healing from any disorder is to admit there’s problem. If any of these five signs are constant in your life or in life of anyone you know, please seek-out professional and spiritual help.

    God has designed us to have connections with others. Being connected to others in a healthy relationship is critical to our social, spiritual, and emotional well-being.

    Learn to forgive and toss out any relationship baggage that serves no purpose in your life. Take time and allow God to heal your broken-heart.

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